Watch the whole talk here»
This guy stopped watching porn — and he wants you to know why. Gender activist Ran Gavrieli felt that most of the images he saw in porn encouraged negative, even violent, attitudes toward women, despite a recent wave of feminist porn. So he pulled the plug, and found that his personal sex life and private fantasies became much more fulfilling.
In his talk at TEDxJaffa, he advocates for physically and emotionally-safe sex, as well as erotica that shows a wider range of fulfilling sexual experiences — including the intimacy of human connection, laughter, and touch. Watch his talk here.
There are plenty of ex porn stars who have said pretty much the same based on their experiences in the industry, like Danielle “Queen B” Williams. Yet there are people in these notes behaving like this guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about and is a sex negative asshole instead of someone who’s actually actively removing himself from contributing to an industry that overwhelmingly exploits women. He’s making the effort to stop funding and participating in sexploitation and human trafficking and people are behaving like he’s being a terrible human being.
The fact is, has been and will remain that the statistics on exploitation and sexual abuse in the prostitution and pornography industries disagree with every emotional appeal made by a self-aggrandizing “feminist” on the internet in the entirety of history. Just as the overwhelming minority of prostitutes consist of the streetwalkers anti-prostitution advocates would attempt to convince you is the norm, the subset of pornographic actors who were legitimately forced or otherwise coerced into the occupation is trivially small.
Women go into porn for the same reason anyone goes into any occupation: It is a job they can perform and that they feel pays enough to justify the requirements set for them. Some enjoy it more than others. But the fact is, it is their right to do with their body as they see fit, for any reason. Not just the reasons that supposed “gender activists” deem acceptable.
There is a reason in professional porn films that it is considered standard practice to interview the actress ahead of time and go through what she’s going to do and how she feels about it. It’s not just to get the viewer excited, it’s to show that yes, she consents to all of this.
This man is perfectly permitted to not watch porn, or to even disapprove of watching porn. But the reasons he outlines as being why people should avoid it are demonstrably bullshit (if anyone actually reads this post, I am more than willing to dig up sources that do just that), and it is obscene that he’s being permitted to spread that bullshit as though it has a basis in reality.
It made him feel happier as a person and he felt it was a good decision for him. That’s good, that’s nice, that’s where he should have shut up and stopped talking. Everything after that is him trying to bully others into obeying him with a guilt-ridden emotional attack.
I particularly like the fact that he acts as though the “abusive” porn is targeted to men, even though about 90% of women interested in BDSM are submissive and estimates suggest that around a third of all BDSM participants are female.
So yeah, no, I’m going to call this guy an asshole because he’s talking out of his fucking ass and trying to get people to go along with it. I don’t give a shit if his motivations are pure, his actions are deplorable.
EDIT: Oh yeah I forgot to address the second person’s addition. Figured it was pretty easily dismissed, but going to throw it on here in case someone tries to leap on me over that: There’s such a thing as confirmation bias. Believe it or not, when you’re the type of person who does hard drugs to cope with underlying damage and you work in skeevy porn with skeevy people, you’re going to meet other people who are in the same situation. This does not mean this situation is the norm in any way, shape, or form. Just that you tend to meet people similar to yourself.
Regardless of how you argue that women are “free to do what they want with their bodies” which practically all of us agree with, you cannot deny that there is something inherently fucked up about how mainstream porn is nowadays. They are running out of ways to use the female body in the most disturbing ways. As a young woman who has had multiple unpleasant sexual encounters with men who’ve tried to have this kind of sex with me, I find it disturbing that men’s sexual template are being shaped and reared by the mainstream porn industry. An industry which has normalized and made freely available the visual and video-graphic imagery of one woman being penetrated, used, and treated like garbage by 5+ men, with tears running down her face as she chokes and sputters on penis. I don’t care what contract that poor and disturbed girl signed, it is made clear in a lot of these pornos that the woman is not enjoying what is being done to her. There have been countless women who have worked in the porn industry and admitted and talked about its despicable treatment of women, women who sign on for one thing, show up to set and suddenly the entire scene has been changed and if they don’t do it they get fired.
Degradation of women and sexual sadism. This has become the norm. And no matter how much you argue about consent, consent, consent, the truth of the matter is that this type of imagery is still disturbing, and as a woman, to see this type of hardcore, almost gang raping, kind of pornography become a normal and accepted part of the mainstream porn industry.„ is scary. I’m thinking of my little brother who will google “porn” and this is the type of stuff he can easily and readily find. There are pornographers who have openly admitted that they don’t know what to do any more, what the next big thing is. They’ve already done so much to girls, degraded them as much as possible, abused them as much as they legally can short of killing the girl.
You go to pornhub.com or any free porn website, and the top videos are always of women being degraded, owned, dominated, gagged, seemingly violated and treated like an object to be used and discarded. This is why every porn video ends with a man ejaculating on the woman’s face. This is the norm in porn videos. A woman will find it hard to get a job unless she allows multiple men to cum on her face, in her mouth, and degrade her. Regardless of what a woman wants to do, consent and whatnot… the fact that the porn industry is majority run and controlled and dominated by men, so much so that even the lesbian porn industry specifically caters to heterosexual men and not to lesbians… something is fucked up here. And though you may not know it, sex trafficking is more prevalent in the porn industry than you think.
Would you admit that the fashion industry effects the way people dress in society? Would you admit that the food industry shapes the way we eat, what we crave? That the music industry can shape people’s musical appeal and interest..? Then why can we not admit that the porn industry shapes and influences the sexual template of our youth? Men grow up believing that this is how you have sex with women, this is what women like: having their face covered in your cum, being gagged with your penis, being called a whore and a dirty little slut. This frightens me. It frightens me because I’ve experienced first hand how the porn industry is shaping the sexual template of boys and men around me. It frightens me that when I become intimate with a man, he doesn’t even ask me if it’s okay to choke me with his penis while I’m performing oral on him. He goes ahead and pushes my head down and pushes his penis as far into my throat he can push and holds me there, and I have to yell at him that I do not like that, to which I am then treated like prude. “Girls usually love that shit.” And yes. We have young girls growing up and having their sexual templates influenced as well to where they feel they cannot please the man they’re with unless they allow him to degrade their body. I have talked to a LOT of girls and women about this. And it is upsetting to a lot of us. I have talked to men about it too, who have admitted that the porn industry ruined their relationships, ruined their ability to feel pleasure from just good passionate love making, to them being unable to get off unless they are allowed to be aggressive and even violent with their girlfriends.
So you can scream about women giving consent all you want… doesn’t change the fact that the porn industry is rampant with mistreatment of women, is influencing the sexual template of our youth in a dangerous way, and is out of control to the point of pornographers not even knowing what they can do next to satisfy male viewers. Not to mention the fact that they even go the law changed so they could make porn that looks like grown older men are having sex with children… yeah, cuz that was actually illegal before pornographers pushed for the freedom to make “legal” pedophilia porn. Technically the girl is 18, so it doesn’t matter if she looks 15 and you dress her up to look 12. Technically it is legal. FUCKED UP, DUDE.